I’d forgotten how long and boring the cases could be. I’ve finished three episodes, but now I’m taking a break. A loooooong break.

Apart from the second Investigations game, I’ve played all the Ace Attorney games to date. Some I really liked (1, 2), some I didn’t care for so much (3, AJ, Investigations). When I heard a new one was coming out, my wishlist was very small.

1.Give the defense more of a backbone.

2. Make the cases shorter, more precise and less nonsensical.

With regards to the first point, I suppose it can’t be helped since the main characters this time are a pair of rookies and their cheerless mentor. But it still bugs me the way they react with shock and awe every time the prosecutor does anything remotely threatening or points out the slightest contradiction. Their every 5th line or so is “Aagh!” “Aagh!” “Aagh!” Grow some balls already. Yes, even you Athena.

On the second point, I’m taking a break because episodes 2 and 3 were so long. That means the last two cases are going to be interminable. I hope at least that they don’t make the killer so obvious in the last two episodes. It’s really painful chasing red herrings for hours when you already know whodunnit and how but the game just won’t let you prove it.

By “more precise and less nonsensical,” I mean I’d like more focused cases that don’t throw in lots of evidence and testimony that is ultimately irrelevant to the case at hand. In Monstrous Turnabout, for example, they brought up the case of the statue and how only two people knew its original form. Then the killer just goes “Oh, I knew about it too,” and everyone goes, “Oh, okay then,” and the case goes on. So why bother? And think about all the time that was spent in Turnabout Academy arguing about Junie’s costume and who wore it and why. In the end it made no difference at all to the case. It was just a waste of time.

In fact, if there’s more than one day of trial and investigation, it’s all but given that only the last day will be worth anything at all. Ideally I’d like everything you find to be relevant, and even if there is sidetracking it should be kept to a minimum. Also side information that is actually important shouldn’t be shunted aside so easily.

In Turnabout Academy, for example, the one sensible thing we learn from the whole Robin/costume affair is that Prof. Courte wrote down notes about the case, and that other people therefore had a general idea of the script. This effectively turns the whole case on its head by eliminating the defendant as the only person who knew about the script. It’s important, right? So why is this detail completely ignored and never referred to again until the very end of the case where, lo and behold, the killer did follow the script because he read the notes?

I’d better stop now, because I could go on all day just pointing out all the inconsistencies. Not to mention all the unlikely pieces of evidence, like the page torn from the planner with ‘Hugh 120′ written on it. Why would Prof. Means tear that out and put it with the banner instead of burning it with the other banner? At first I thought he might be trying to incriminate Prof. Courte, but a handwriting analysis shows it’s Means’ handwriting, so how could he be stupid enough not to burn it?

And how could he be stupid enough not to know the correct way of cleaning blood off his spear so no one would find the traces? Especially since he was savvy enough to fake an invisible pool of blood in the Art Room? And while we’re on the subject of the spear, I know there’s a shortage of forensic pathologists in Japan, but this is ridiculous. The autopsy report says the wound is unusually rough and jagged for something made by an awl. Isn’t it possible and, in fact, likely that the wound wasn’t made by an awl or an arrow at all? How stupid and incompetent does a pathologist have to be to confuse a spear wound for an arrow/awl wound? The depth of the injury, the shape, the damage to the organs, they must all be completely different! The pathologist is stupid, and the defense that never brings up the subject is equally dumb.

But really, I must stop now. All the cases in all the Ace Attorney games have a mountain of holes in them, so I should be used to it by now. Before I go, though, one last bone of contention. The game has been going on about a so-called “the dark age of the law” where prosecutors forge evidence and pay bribes with abandon, but I haven’t actually seen anyone do that yet. Our chief prosecutor is so honorable he even encourages our rookie attorney when she’s down, and the worst thing he’s done so far is threaten the occasional witness and bully our easily-bullyable Judge into being on his side. In short he’s a complete bore.

The Ace Attorney series has had outright crooked lawyers in the past, but two of them were all the way back in game one, and the other was in Apollo Justice. I haven’t seen any in this game yet. As for things like witnesses outright lying on the stand, or random, implausible people being charged with crimes, that also dates back to game one, so I don’t get the emphasis on “the dark age of the law.” Still, I have two (or three?) cases left to go, and the bulk of the story in these games tends to come in the final case, so there’s still time for them to explain what they’re talking about.

Anyway, I’m taking a break to refresh my mind. In the meantime I hope to finish Final Fantasy Type-0 (horrible, horrible final dungeon) and make some progress on Arc the Lad: Twilight of the Spirits.

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