Date ni Gametsui wake ja ne! Dungeon Maker Girl’s Type review

date ni gametsui wake ja ne“Date ni Gametsui wake ja ne” roughly translated means “I’m not greedy for nothing!” The Japan-only “girls'” version of Master of the Monster Lair/Dungeon Maker. If you are thinking of trying this game there are three things you need to know.

1. It has the exact same gameplay, monsters, items and quests as MoML but different characters and motivations.

2. There is absolutely nothing “girly” about it.

3. There’s a game-breaking bug that makes it impossible to finish the blacksmith’s route. It also makes it impossible to progress past level 18 of the bonus dungeon, thus preventing you from ever truly “finishing” the game. I wish I’d known that before investing at least 20 hours of my life into this game.

Story & Characters

The town of Reinbald is said to bring happiness to all those who stumble across it. Hugo, a wandering dungeon maker, drops in one day and is roped into the service of the mayor. Monsters are threatening the peace of the town so Hugo’s job is to trap, plunder and kill them by creating elaborate traps in the form of dungeons.

Despite what the title says, Hugo is not greedy at all. He’s a professional, he’s confident in his skills and he charges what his services are worth. The two cardinal rules of self-employment and freelancing are 1) Never do favors for friends/family and 2) Never work for free. Hugo sticks to the rules and even when he softens slightly from his initial abrasive attitude he still charges a fair price for the job done.

On top of that, unlike the lead characters of other GAE games (Adventures to Go, My World My Way, probably others), Hugo has the decency to wonder if he’s doing the right thing by killing all those sentient monsters. He even gives bosses a chance to GTFO kindly move out of the way before attacking them when they refuse. My respect for Hugo went a long way towards helping me finish this game, which could be dry and repetitive at the best of times.

As for the other townspeople, refer to the wallpaper below.Dungeon Maker Girls' TypeThose two absurdly cute dogs at the bottom are Hugo’s travel companions instead of Kate and the blob as in MoML. I named them Gash and Gabby. Gash gains stats by devouring monster parts and Gabby is your regular mage girl who will lay absolute waste to bosses, especially once she gets the Drain spell.

From left to right, there’s the mayor’s sniveling butler who just wants to be useful to her. Sorry, it’s been like a month since I last played this so I’ve forgotten their names. The lady with the blue hair is the bloodthirsty mayor who wants all monsters dead, no quarter given. I hate her. The next two guys are the same guy – Glen the blacksmith in his young and old forms. He switches between them when he gets stressed. The little red-haired girl and her brother Linus next to her run the furniture shop. The blond guy with glasses runs the magic shop and has a creepy obsession with the cat girl next to him. Then there’s Hugo, our hero. The last guy is also the white mouse at the bottom, the perky vegetable seller.

The character designs are nice, aren’t they? Unfortunately that’s all these characters have going for them. You’re supposed to pursue their routes and get their endings by doing quests for them, but they’re all either duller than dishwater or sicker than a truck full of AIDS.

Take the creepily servile butler, for example. Maybe I’m supposed to sympathize with his unnatural devotion to his abusive boss, maybe I’m supposed to cheer for him, I dunno. All I know is that his cringing, whining scenes filled me with the urge to call an Abuse Hotline. Same with blondie and his sick fixation on the obviously underage loli cat girl who does not welcome his attentions or reciprocate his affections. I didn’t know whether to call PETA or To Catch A Predator! The blacksmith is the only one who seems sort of normal, but sadly his is the only route you can’t finish due the aforementioned game-breaking bug.

Why did I finish this game, then? I told you, I liked Hugo. I liked my pets too. And while I will never be a fan of the gameplay, it did grow on me somewhat after the first few levels.

Date-ni-Game-Tsui-Wake-Jane-Dungeon-Maker-Girls-Type-2Gameplay

If you don’t speak Japanese, you can use an MotML FAQ to play this game with no problems at all. It’s the exact same game. If you haven’t played it, it’s simple. You go into a cave made of solid rock. You use Dungeon Points (DP) to dig holes in the rock. You hollow out rooms and fill them with furniture and accessories that attract monsters. For example, fountains attract otters, farms attract monster carrots and pubs attract goblins. It all makes perfect sense.

So you fill the cave with things monsters like and then punish them for liking them by killing them, stealing their money and eating their flesh for delicious stat boosts. When you run out of DP to dig and monsters to massacre you retire for the day and return the next day to repeat the process. Get enough monsters of the right type on one floor and a boss appears. Kill the boss to open the way to the next floor where the process starts all over again.

See the problem? You have to perform the same two or three actions every single day for the 100-200 game “days” it will take you to finish. Then you add the following problems:

  • A tiny number of DP especially in the beginning, limiting how much you can get done
  • Not that much money, especially in the beginning, limiting how quickly your dungeon can grow
  • Palette swaps up the wazoo, making grinding boring. It’s worse because I’ve played other GAE games and they all use the same monsters
  • You have to arrange rooms just so to guarantee a monster drop from the monster you want
  • Even then the monster will drop something, but it might not be the item you want. Ask me how many zombies I had to fight to get just one Performer’s Ring. Go on, ask.

That isn’t even half of it. Long story short, the gameplay can be very dull and very frustrating, which is why I gave up on MotML so quickly the first time I played it. I was determined to tough things out this time round though, and somehow I managed to get into a kind of groove. The same kind of groove you get into in, say, puzzle games, or Harvest Moons, where you’re just doing the same thing over and over again and yet it’s kind of fun. I think the key to enjoying this game is to give it at least 2 or three levels to grow on you and to play it in small, manageable doses.

"'Boy's love?' Me? With you?! You'd have to kill me first!"

“‘Boy’s love?’ With you?! You’d have to kill me first!”

“Girl’s Type”?!

When you think of the “girl’s” version of any game, you might expect features designed to appeal to what video game designers (90% of whom are male) think female gamers want. A female main character. Pastel colors. Cute critters. Dumbed-down gameplay. Romance. Angst. Bishies. More romance, more angst, more bishies.

Yeah, well. Not this “girl’s” game. Apart from the cute dogs and the admittedly good-looking bishies, there is absolutely nothing in this game that justifies the label. The only romance is the borderline-illegal one between man and cat. The colors are normal. The gameplay is the same as for the original. There’s no angst, no romance and barely any sentiment at all even when you finish a pair’s route. Of course people with XX chromosomes like a good game just as much as those with XY chromosones do, and excessive pandering to either gender is just plain silly but then… why bother with the “Girl’s Type” label at all? Another boneheaded idea from the guys at Idea Factory. I do so love them (completely serious).

Final thoughts

For anyone who wants to play Date ni Gametsui wake ja ne… ehh, don’t bother. Really. I mean, what do you want to play it for?

If it’s the character designs, download pictures and just look at them.

If it’s the gameplay, it’s exactly the same as for MotML so you’re better off getting that instead. If you’ve already played that and want to check out the differences in story, you’ll need to be able to read Japanese. Not that much, but at least a year or two of study because there’s no furigana. Even if you do clear that hurdle, a bug will prevent Laboratories from appearing in the shops at level 18, which will stop you from finishing the game properly.

And if you’re playing it for the “girlishness” there’s nothing girlish about this at all. I’ll be honest that I liked Hugo for all his rudeness and ended up quite enjoying myself, but not enough to push this game strongly. Give it a miss unless you’re really bored.

And the games keep piling up

I’m going to see about buying a new computer this week. If I do, I’ll need to write about the following sometime.

1. The Last Story (finished long ago, already starting to forget)

2. Date ni Gametsui wake ja ne: Dungeon Maker Girl’s Type (practically finished)

3. Zettai Hero Project (quit)

4. Wild Arms XF (somehow I just wasn’t in the mood for an SRPG)

5. Ore no Shikabane wo Koete Yuke (currently playing. Awesome premise, very interesting game. Needs more dungeons)

6. Lunar: Silver Star Harmony (currently playing. Don’t really like)

7. Rune Factory Frontier (currently playing. Jury’s still out, but it’s not bad)

Ore no Shikabane is going to keep me busy for a while, so that should stop me from starting anything else until I have a chance to catch up on my blog backlog. See you then!

Laptop = caput (Matthew 6:19-21)

Since I last posted I’ve finished The Last Story and Dungeon Maker Girls’ Type, replayed a lot of Harvest Moon Sunshine Islands and started Professor Layton and the Curious Village (quickly dropped) and Doki Doki Majo Shinpan and given serious thought to purchasing either Rune Factory Frontier or Tides of Destiny.

Unfortunately I can’t write about them in any amount of depth because my faithful laptop kicked the bucket almost two weeks ago and I’m on borrowed computer time now. I’m thinking of getting a desktop next time, but that’s neither here nor there. In the meantime I’ll keep playing the games and sort out the blog posts later. RIP trusty ol’ laptop (2008-2013).

The Last Story – Testosterone is a helluva drug (spoilers)

The Last story us coverBelieve it or not, I had no idea what the story was about before I started this game. I didn’t think it would come over, and if it did I wasn’t planning to play it, so I never bothered to find out. I’m glad I didn’t, though. Otherwise I wouldn’t have dreamed of starting The Last Story, seeing as it consists of two extremely hackneyed stories and one potentially interesting one.

Story 1: Zael desperately wants to bang this random Calista girl he met on the street. Calista wants to bang him too. Unfortunately she has a fiance. Luckily Zael is the main character, so things are obviously going to work out somehow. The Last Story = Japanese for “Hoes before bros.”

Story 2: Zael and his best friend Dagran want to leave the mercenary life and become knights. Now they’re rare, but games and movies do exist where the MC’s best friend does not turn evil and betray him, but this depends entirely on the BF having absolutely no ambition of his own besides being MC’s BFF. I like Dagran and I’ll be sorry to see him go, but… yeah, he’s a goner.

Story 3: Zael (again) has gotten his hands on the mysterious ‘Power of the Outsider’ that promises to make him the savior of the world. I’ve reached the point where an evil count is offering to let Zael plow Calista in exchange for putting the power at the count’s disposal. Sounds like a good deal to me. What could possibly go wrong?

Obviously I’m just playing along to see how Story 2 turns out. Don’t let me down, Dagran! You can do it! You can buck the trend!

Apart from the three main plots there’s also some stuff about a “Gurak” race that attacks humans while chasing the Power of the Outsider. They’re being played up as bad guys, but we’ll find out later they were not-so-bad after all. This isn’t even a spoiler, since I’ve only played one (1) RPG where the initial antagonists were still the bad guys by the end. If I had to place my bets on something, it would be the Outsider or something related to it that’s the ultimate baddie.

“So when do we finally get to shag?”
“Right after the closing credits, I promise.”

Anyway, it’s early days yet. I’m told The Last Story is about 30-35 hours long, so at 13 hours I’m 30-40% done. Progress-wise I just finished… uhh… I forget what I just finished. I saved a little girl from a cult, then I played through a haunted mansion. That part was funny. Then …. umm… reptids! Yes, I fought reptids in a well. Wow, this game really doesn’t stick in my mind. Every stage is like the other, and very few chapters seem to have anything to do with the main story. That’s forgivable in a longer game but TLS should really start getting serious now.

Forgettable chapters aside, my main problem right now is the battle system. I have NO idea what is going on. At all. Even after 13 hours. I don’t know how I’ve made it through all the battles so far with only 2 Game Overs, and I don’t think this beginner’s luck is going to hold out forever. Use Gathering, run around, get whaled on, use Gale repeatedly, use Vertical Slice when I accidentally run up a wall (searching for climbable walls takes too much time) take Gathering off when it’s too much, die, revive, die, revive, oh look the boss is dead. Save, continue. Welp, don’t mess with a winning formula and all that.

In other gaming news, I’m almost done with Dungeon Maker Girl’s Type (9th floor out of 10) and I started Lunar Silver Star Harmony last night. I hope to have the former finished either today or tomorrow, then I’ll post my thoughts.

Xenoblade Chronicles – Ending spoilers

Xenoblade-Chronicles1Finished. 132 hours and 39 seconds. The ending was cheesier than a mountain of rotten cheddar. I mean, “The Power of Friendship” in this day and age? The last boss was the last boss because he was secretly lonely and just wanted friends? Seriously?

Wow. Well, I’ve already written more than enough on my impressions of Xenoblade Chronicles, but to summarize:

Characters: I used to like the characters. Used to, until they spent the last few hours spitting out Grade-A bullshit like “Destiny!” “Friendship!” “We’ll make our own way!” “I’m not alone!” How unhygienic.

The only one I’ll miss now that the game is over is Kallian. It’s his own fault he got killed, though. I mean, the half-brother of a main character in a JRPG who isn’t evil and doesn’t secretly want to bang his little sister? He was dead before the game even started. If he’d spent the game lusting after her like a ‘normal’ character he’d still be alive. Heck, Falcom might even give him his own trilogy plus cameos!

The other characters don’t have any lives outside of Shulk and the Monado. Even the Heart-to-Heart chats they have are 75% about Shulk and who he’s going to hook up with in the end. Speaking of which, all the romances in this game felt odd and forced. I have no idea what Shulk sees in Fiora or vice-versa (is this the power of the Japanese childhood friend?!!), Sharla and Reyn just don’t go together and Melia and Shulk? Dead in the water, even as far as the player is concerned. Just a waste of time really.

xenoblade-nopon-villageSound: The music was great for the most part. Some forgettable background themes here and there (Valak, Galahad, did Agniratha even have music? also I skipped the ending song ‘cos I was bored), but great in general. The English voice acting was also very good, except for when they’d have all these weird pauses in the middle of lines. “We have… to defeat you… in order… tocontrolourowndestiny!!!” Unfortunately the slightly-spotty quality of the acting just made the crappiness of the dialogue even more noticeable.

Graphics: Meh. I still think they have funny noses. Some areas looked amazing, especially the Fallen Arm and Gaur Plains. Other places were horribly bland and samey-wamey, especially Mechonis Field, Central Factory and Agniratha.

Gameplay: Good. I liked being able to warp from place to place. I would have preferred it if running speed was faster and didn’t require the use of gems to improve. I didn’t like having 8000 different kinds of gems and armor and weapons and other equips, all mostly useless. Dress-up was fun and sad at the same time. For one thing I could never get Sharla to stop looking like a 2-dollar whore no matter what I dressed her in.

I did love having 2000 different sidequests though. I try to deny it, but I actually LOVE sidequests. I live for sidequests. I don’t mind entire games composed of sidequests! As long as they’re interesting. I left quite a number undone because I got bored after a while, but it was a good run while it lasted.

Battle System: It’s missing something, I don’t know what. Maybe it’s missing surprises or something, because it all felt the same after I got the hang of it. The only bit of strategy can be found in tackling stronger monsters, but I don’t play turn-based RPGs for the strategy so no problem there. I got the “Beat 100 uniques” achievement and reached level 86 before I gave up and just finished the game. It’s just as well though, ‘cos the last boss was only level 82 or so. His level reads “???” but I know a pussy when I see one. It goes “meow.”

xenoblade-screenshot-9Story: Cheesy-ass story. I’m going to spoil it for the sake of anyone who’s wondering what Xenoblade is all about but doesn’t want to spend 70-100 hours on it. Frankly I don’t blame you at all.

Zanza: The big bad. The soul of the Bionis. He’s bad because he wants to absorb all life on the Bionis. Before that, he was a researcher named Klaus on a space station in “our” universe. One day he pressed the wrong switch and created another universe, in which he is a god. Only he was lonely, so he created “life in his own image” in a thinly-veiled shout-out to certain religions. Except instead of just admitting he’s lonely and seeking friends, he tries to kill people instead. That makes him a bad god. Zanza spends most of the game possessing Shulk in secret. Shulk and co. kill him in the end and make a world without gods. This is the story in a nutshell, but if you want to know more:

Meyneth: Zanza/Klaus’s fellow researcher on the space station. Became the soul of the Mechonis. Also made life on Mechonis because she was lonely. Made friends with that life, which makes her a good god. Spends most of the game possessing Fiora. Was killed by Zanza just to give the party one more reason for revenge.

The Monado: A sword that makes and unmakes worlds and can change the future. There are three Monados by the end of the game. They’re all Alvis, i.e. the computer program on the space station in “our” universe. Star Ocean 3 fans might be familiar with this kind of development. Or they would be, if they actually existed. When Shulk wishes for no gods after spending 30 minutes screeching about “destiny” and “friendship”, it supposedly disappears, but is actually just hiding somewhere waiting for the sequel. We’re wise to your tricks now, Monolith.

Shulk: Dead all along, but not really. I’ve played a number of RPGs where the hero is either dead or not human all along, and it’s never been treated as anything more than a minor inconvenience. Anyway, Zanza sucked out his soul and possessed his body for years, only not really. Eventually he gets his body back and nobody worries about the whole ‘dead’ thing any more. Dunno why they bothered, really.

telethiaThe Telethia: *gasp* The Telethia were High Entia all along! When Zanza awakens, so do they! And that’s why most Alcamoth quests are timed. So now you know.

Fiora: Gets her body back in the end. I tuned out and read a magazine during the ending sequence, so I don’t know how it happened. Just string “destiny” and “friendship” and “make our own way” and “future” together in different combinations and you’ve got the ending dialogue right there.

And that’s it. Hero with friends wins. Baddie without friends loses. It’s your average JRPG plot dressed up all nice and fancy. Did I enjoy Xenoblade Chronicles? I did actually, apart from the story. But I’ve been saying that all along, so I have nothing to add now.

Moving on~~ I’m kind of sick of the Wii right now, but I won’t have access to it for much longer. As such it makes sense for me to start The Last Story soon. I’ll find something short, light and fluffy to occupy me for a couple of days, then get right on it.